I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
