I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
