you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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