Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
