oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
