Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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