My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
