I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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