My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
