i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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