$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
