He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
