i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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