I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My penis needs a shock collar
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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