Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
