I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
