Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
