So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You can't motorboat a personality
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
