We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dick has a subreddit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
