His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
