I bet he comes in French.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
