So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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