If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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