Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
