what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
