I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
