We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do herpes really smell.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
