Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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