so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
