I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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