It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
