hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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