P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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