Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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