i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
