video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
