drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
