How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
