bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
