Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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