I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
