woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
