Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
