I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
