you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's like iHOP with fire
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
