when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
