Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
