I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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