Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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