I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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