sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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